Every couple fights. In fact, if a couple doesn't fight, it might be construed as a sign that the relationship is unhealthy, at least when it comes to communication. Disagreements with other people are a fact of life. If a couple never argues or disagrees with each other, it's more probable that someone in the relationship is avoiding conflict by not voicing their needs or opinions. It's healthy to talk about your needs, ideas, and frustrations with your partner. It's also healthy to fight. However, fighting can quickly become unhealthy and, in some cases, abusive, if you don't fight fairly. Following are four ways you can fight fairly with your spouse.
Don't Place Blame
Arguments quickly spiral out of control when one or both partners are simply blaming one another for the issue being discussed. To come to a quick resolution, avoid placing the blame on your partner. Instead, only talk about the issue and how it makes you feel. If your partner doesn't feel attacked, they will be more likely to understand where you're coming from and take steps toward resolution.
Don't Talk Disrespectfully
You love and respect your partner, so you should always treat them with love and respect. Do not call them names, yell at them, or speak disrespectfully to them. If you find yourself responding emotionally, walk away. If you say hurtful things during an argument, those words will remain in your partner's memory long after you've both forgotten what the fight was about in the first place. Those words, not the issue at hand, can drive a wedge between the two of you.
Don't Revisit the Past
Each fight shouldn't be a rehashing of everything that's happened during your entire relationship. Do not bring up past problems unless they are about the exact issue you're discussing. Try to focus on the issue at hand. Remember, the goal of any fight is to come to a resolution or understanding. The goal isn't to make your partner feel bad.
Don't Prolong Fight
Don't prolong the fight. Once you've said what you have to say and your partner has said what they have to say, walk away from each other or move on to another topic that you both will enjoy talking about.
The key to a healthy relationship is to learn how to fight fairly. You're going to have fights and conflict in any relationship. Don't avoid them; learn how to have them respectfully. For more helpful tips, contact a counselor like Sharon O'Connell, MA.